Activity #10: How does your culture view relationships?

1. Who do the members of your culture consider to be part of their family?
Usually, persons who live in the same home are family members in my culture. If somebody says, “family,” that often means father, mother, and children. Grand parents can also be a part of family depending on the family, and they’re usually closely related. Boyfriends/girlfriends and friends usually are not considered to be a family member unless they get engaged officially. Cousins and uncles/aunts are not in immediate family but are close relatives.

2. What are some roles and responsibilities of specific family members?
In many cases, fathers and mothers work in this culture even though some mothers don’t work and stay work to take care of their home. Around the home, it’s still not equal between male and female. Mothers need to their housework even though they also work outside the home. Usually women prepare meals and men don’t do it. However, it is changing little by little, and younger couple is inclined to share the housework. I think there is a difference which role they play with the housework though. For example, if they need to clean their house, mothers clean up the kitchen, and fathers might clean their car and change electronic lights. The oldest brothers or sisters tend to need to be take care of their younger siblings.

3. Are family members encouraged to stay in the same house/area as their family after adolescence?
This is hard to answer, but it depends on their situation. If you need to leave home for college, it’s ok. If you can stay at home to go to college, it’s good too, since family members can be together and they also can save money. However, living by themselves is somewhat encouraged after while in college or when you start working. They need to learn how to be independent and how to live by own. Also, it depends on which family member encourages them. For instance, I left home come to the US, and my younger sister left home to go to university in Tokyo. It was hard to persuade them to allow us to go somewhere else for education, since they wanted us to stay at home near them. On the other side, my parents also felt they were going to miss us, but they also thought that it was important to learn to live by our own.

4. What are the cultural norms and taboos regarding dating and meeting people with whom to become romantically involved?
Many of Japanese people, especially elder generation, are still conservative about this. Younger generation can find their romantic partners anywhere, but usually elder people don’t like that their children or grand children getting married to whom from other countries, especially from Western countries. It is because they still remember the wars and they don’t have good memories about it. Even though we insist that it’s about the past, they just can’t get rid of strong impression of wars. Also, Japan was closed for a long time and it has been island country, people didn’t have so many connections with other countries. They don’t know how to interact with people from outside Japan. In younger generation, it is more acceptable to date with anyone as long as they are good.

5. How are marriage proposals conducted in your culture?
Many girls admire romantic proposals such as proposals in a fancy restaurant or at a place where has a beautiful night view. Or maybe, men might propose their girlfriends at a place where they always go on a date. Usually, men are supposed to ask their girlfriends to marry him while giving her an engagement ring.

6. What is a typical wedding like?
People in my culture usually have ceremony and wedding reception. There are mainly two kinds of wedding, Western style or Japanese style. If you choose Western style, you can have ceremony in a hotel or church. You go to temple for ceremony when you choose Japanese style. Family members, relatives, and close friends are supposes to be the guests. Afterward, they have a big reception party and brides can change their dress several times there. Even you have a Western ceremony, you can still try Japanese traditional kimono after dress. They have big dinner, some people give speeches, some friends may sing songs, and grooms and brides often read their letters to their parents.

7. How do members of the culture view divorce?
Divorce is supposed to be something that people can’t confess loudly or proudly. There might be bad rumors about it. We feel sorry if somebody gets divorce.

8. If divorce occurs, what are the rights of each partner?
In some case, children can choose which side to live with. Also, there are cases that only one of them has a right to live with children. For example, if they divorce because of husband’s violence, definitely he doesn’t have right to live with his children, but wife has one. Men might pay consolation money to their partners due to divorce.

9. What is the general opinion of the culture toward homosexuality?
Homosexuality is not so acceptable in my culture like the US. We just haven’t got used to it. Younger generation is more acceptable with it, and we sometimes have friends who are homosexual. However, elder generation might oppose it even though they don’t know much about but just because of prejudice.

10. How are the general perspectives of this culture the same/different from yours regarding gender roles?
Many people have come to think that both partners can work outside the home and should share the housework. However, there are still some men, regardless of their generation or age, who want their wives to stay at home and just take care of home and children or family members. Of course younger generation is more acceptable with their working wives, but there are also guys with the idea that women should stay at home. I want partners to be equal on everything. Even if women can work outside, still many of them need to do all the housework without help from their husbands. I just can’t image myself staying at home and taking care of it all day and I want to work and be treated like them.

Question: Is it acceptable to get married to someone from other country in your culture?